Mega Personals sound like a much bigger version of regular personals, so I wonder if I’ll meet any fat chicks on there. That’s all I’ve been banging on Tinder lately, plus I think I may have caught the coronavirus off that last chick. I’m hoping the Mega in the name refers to their overall caliber of service and available broads, not to their girth or vagina circumference. There’s only one way to find out, right?

MegaPersonals.eu may have an EU in the link, but they’ve got personal classified ads from around the world. As soon as you hit the landing page, they ask you if you’re trying to get laid from Canada, the US, Europe or Oceania. The site’s been getting around 5,000 visitors a day ever since their inception at the end of 2019, so I’m going to look for some hot DTF chicks in my area. (Oh, and just so we’re clear before we go in, those personal ads are mostly escorts, hookers, doms and erotic masseuses.)

Let’s Talk Mega Personals

Before I dipped into the local listings, I wanted to see what Mega Personals had to offer to the world at large. The location selection box that pops up when you first hit the site is full of dropdowns for every region. The United States breaks down into every state and Canada into provinces and territories. In Europe, they’re serving England, France, Germany, Italy and Spain. Apologies to you Micronesian horndogs; Australia and New Zealand are the only Oceania countries on the list.

I chose my state and then clicked the nearest big city, a thriving metropolis with a population in the millions. It’s about 90 minutes from me, but I figured if I was going to get laid tonight, I’d have more options if I went where the action was. The next question asked me to define myself, to which I stated I was an M seeking W. MegaPersonals offers every combination of M’s and W’s seeking each other, as well as a Trans section if you prefer your chicks with dicks.

That’s when it turned out I was reading the question wrong. MegaPersonals.eu sent me over to the Men Seeking Women area, where I was presented with a long scroll of dick after dick after dick. There are boners galore all across the screen, complete with enticing, classy little blurbs like, “I’m The Man Who Love Giving Womin Pleazurez!”

While I clearly stumbled into the wrong section, it’s good to know I can post photos and videos of my dick on this site. Explicit media is allowed on MegaPersonals.eu, unlike most classified ad sites. I sometimes try to pick up chicks with a similar method at the park, and my success rate is really crippled by the police who always show up.

Local Horny Girls Who’ll Fuck for Money

I hit the Back button so I could make my choice again. This time I went to the Women Seeking Men area, and it’s an even more impressive scroll than the penis page. Barely more than a dozen dudes posted today offering BBC poundings, but bitches have been posting non-stop all day and night. Hundreds of new listings are posted every day in populated, horny areas.

The default view at MegaPersonals.eu shows you a list with a tiny thumbnail and a thick blurb. Some bitches get really wordy, others are borderline illiterate, and most of them pepper everything they write with a liberal amount of emojis. You’ll read about their special services, incalls and outcalls while treated to a smorgasbord of eggplants, palm trees, tongues, water droplets and hearts.

Maybe you’re a more visual pervert, though. Hey, I don’t blame you. I ain’t downloading the audiobook version of new Reality Kings movies, either. In that case, you may want to hit the Pics button at the top of the screen, which ditches the blurbs and expands those thumbnails into something a little more eye-catching.

I don’t mean to sound like an asshole, but some of these hoes should really invest in a better camera or get their sugardaddies to hook them up. I can’t count the sexy bitches out on the Mega Personals front page who look like they snapped their shots on a turn-of-the-century flip phone. I’d guess they were old or fake if so many didn’t have a timestamp.

Other than the low resolution, a lot of these babes are rocking; the all-photo layout is pretty fucking appealing. I’ve been around the block enough times to know what’s available in my area, and that’s why I think most of these ads are legit. Thicc-ass Ebony chicks seem to dominate the local listings, followed by big booty Latinas and a handful of PAWGs. Skinny girls are available, sure, but overall, people eat a lot of fucking cheeseburgers in this part of the country. Your mileage will undoubtedly vary, depending on where you are in the world.

Tons of Hoes from Around the Globe

Those escort listings are streaming in all fucking day. In the last half or so, as I’ve been reviewing the site, there have been new posts by a black chick with a huge, juicy ass twerking in a video, a sweet-faced brunette MILF with a killer rack, and a genuinely fat BBW with a melty gut and cottage cheese booty cheeks. Different strokes for different folks, am I right?

A more professional city escort agency also posted a listing a few minutes ago. Most of the girls at MegaPersonals ain’t hiding their faces, but these shots cut this scrumptious hottie off at the eyes. Shit, I was thinking of getting a cheap quickie with a chunky broad, but now I wish I hadn’t already spent my stimulus check on a new silicone princess twat. You can find both independent and agency escorts on the site.

I do wish they had some search, sort and filter options. The only way to browse the site is just scrolling through page after page of listings. You can’t filter girls by body type, hair color, ethnicity or services, nor can you even type your fetish into a search bar to jump right to the girls with pretty feet who will step on your face. I’m sure they’ve got dominatrixes on there like any good escort site, you’re just not going to find them easily.

Compared to some of the newer escort directories, Mega Personals feels more than a little last-gen. It’s not just the emoji-filled listings that remind me of Craiglist’s heyday or the lack of sort and filter options. They also neglect the hooker reviews that a lot of the better sites have been implementing. I’m a hell of a lot more likely to buy an automatic dick massager on Amazon if I can see what other users have to say, and that’s also my preferred approach when I’m hiring a girl to do it manually.

Tons of Listings, No Sign-Up Required

MegaPersonals is admittedly a little lacking compared to some of the fuller-featured prostitution sites out there. They still do have a lot of the features you expect out of such a website, though. In particular, I’m happy they don’t make you sign up or register unless you’re posting ads. You can browse to your heart’s content, beat off to the pictures, choose a girl, and view her contact details without having to give up so much as an email address to the site.

That said, I’m not sure I could really recommend MegaPersonals.eu specifically over some of the competition out there. It might be worth a look in the same sense as most escort sites; it’s free to browse, so why not look and see if your dream girl is listed? Maybe she signed up to post on Mega Personals but not elsewhere. If nothing else, you can see what kind of ass the local hoes are slanging in your city or town. If your wife finds it in the browser history, just tell her you were doing research on the local demographics.