TNA Board? This next one is going to be a real dream come true to all you airport masturbators who love waiting in line, taking off your shoes and belt, and having some fat guy stare at your naked genitals and man-boobs through an x-ray scanner. Wait, hold on. I misread the site’s name. This is actually TNABoard. It has nothing to do with the TSA, but you can still use it to get your package groped by a firm, leather-clad hand.

TNABoard.com has been around for a little over a decade, and they pull about 5,000 visitors a day. Most of them are perverts like you, looking for a sex worker to suck them off, ride their pogo stick, or step on their balls while calling them a dirty, dirty boy. The rest of those visitors are the escorts, erotic masseuses, and stern dominatrixes itching to sell you their services.

Tits in AdverTruthing, or Something

TNABoard’s mascot is a cartoon succubus in red lingerie with a matching red tail, horns, and pitchfork. I’m sure TNA stands for Tits n’ Ass, like it does in the entire rest of the porn universe, but they’ve also got an alternate definition next to the logo: Truth iN Advertising. It’s kind of wonky and makes me wonder if they even know how an acronym works, but I get it. It’s a noble goal, because a site like this is worthless if it’s just full of fake ads with fake pictures of fake prostitutes who want your real money.

There are a lot of international escort sites out there, but this ain’t one of them. Americans or visitors to the country can find plenty of tail for sale, but the rest of you should check out something else from my list of Escort Sites. Listings here are categorized broadly into East and West regions, and then further into States.

Here’s where things get a little clumsy. On any other American escort site, the States break down further into Cities or at least major metropolitan areas. Instead, the State listings here are broken down into post about Providers, Fetish, LMA and LMS, Weekend, Reviews, ISO, and Discussions. These categories are all well and good, but American states are fucking big. While TNABoard’s setup would work just fine for browsing sluts in a bunch of little European countries, Americans would benefit enormously from just one more level of geographic specificity.

Get a Hooker, Plus Boner Pills and “Free” Cam Shows

My spam blocking plugin is always on by default. I stick my dick into a lot of seedy websites, so you better believe I’m always going to use protection. I didn’t expect I needed it for TNABoard, because escort sites generally don’t have spam. The bandwidth is paid for by the hookers who are paying for the listings.

Naturally, I was a little intrigued when my blocker started counting the ads it knocked down. Not only was my plugin fighting the good fight, my browser was even getting in on the action. That doesn’t happen very often, but when I clicked the icon in the URL bar Chrome told me this site shows misleading ads. Good to know!

I turned off my blocker and my browser’s protection for a minute, just to see how bad things were here. It honestly wasn’t as bad as I was expecting, but I did get random pop-unders for LiveJasmin and shit like that. I doubt it will really interfere with too many people’s quest for a paid pounding, even if it is fucking annoying and completely atypical for an escort listing site.

Oh, Come the Fuck On with This Shit!

The spam and the fact that you can’t break down listings by City have given me a bad first impression of TNABoard, but they’re not even the worst part of the site I’ve seen so far. This next major, potentially deal-breaking issue is another problem you’ll find on TNABoard but not on other prostitute sites.

The front page has some Featured Providers in a little box with some scandalous thumbnails. There is a thick redheaded showing off her cleavage, a Thai bitch in black lingerie, and a hot MILF laying in bed wearing nothing but some cleverly placed hands over her naughty bits. I can see why they’re Featured, but I really want a better look at the sweet young thing kneeling on a bed.

I clicked the petite chick, hoping to see some even more revealing and bigger shots of her and find out where she lives and works. The thumbnail is a little small to tell, but I get the feeling this slut might be worth spending that bag of pennies I’ve been saving up on.

TNABoard denied me with a big error message and login screen. I’m not logged in, so I don’t have permission to access this page.

This is serious fucking bullshit. The vast majority of escort sites on my list do not make you sign up or register to view the listings or even the contact information. They all understand that this is a legally gray area and that nobody wants to leave a fucking paper trail when they’re spending their paycheck on a big-titted whore who does anal and golden showers.

I know a lot of you have already stopped reading, as you probably should, but I’m The Porn Dude so I’ll take one for the team and sign up. I really hope this is worth it, but I have a feeling I’m just subscribing to a constant stream of boner pill and fake Rolex spam emails.

Trying to Get Laid with Outdated Tech

The registration page asks for your birthday and says they’re going to send you a birthday wish once a year. Oh, gee, thanks. That’s exactly what I wanted. My mom stopped sending me cards years ago, but this website full of blonde prostitutes and BBW call girls is going to remind me whenever I’m a year closer to death. TNABoard requires that you’re at least 18 to sign up. The given reason is because some third-party content might have graphic material, not because TNABoard is a place to buy pussy.

The intrusive registration is quick, at least. Within a minute I had access to the Member List Search. This is where you check off your desires and hope TNABoard has a girl for you. I looked for a local girl with Red or Blonde hair, a Slim Body Type, A Lot of Piercings and a predilection for Cigarette Smoking. In my experience, those kind of girls get really freaky. TNABoard doesn’t have checkboxes for the sexual acts you’d like to experience tonight, so there’s going to be some guesswork on your part.

My search results came back with one fucking member. I altered my search to include more body types and hair colors, and still only got one fucking member. There was a checkbox to find TNA Verified members, but that’s clearly a joke if I can’t even find more than one non-verified escort in my major metropolitan area. We’ve got multiple airports, so I’m 100% positive we have multiple hookers in this town.

The Wrong Format for Picking Up Lot Lizards

I wonder if all of TNABoard’s issues stem from the fact that the whole thing is set up like a bulletin board instead of a massive, well-organized and searchable list of escorts like you get on other sites. The format here just has so many inherent flaws that get in the way of finding what you’re looking for. I just gave these fuckers my email address and couldn’t even find more than one girl to bang tonight. Sure, I’ll get a GIF of a birthday cake at some point, but I’m more of a creampie dude.

There are certain advantages to the system, I guess, but they’re not of much use to the John in need. There are active discussions on fetishes, sports and stupid-ass Donald Trump, which you were almost definitely not looking for today.

I’m a little bit surprised TNABoard.com has been around this long. If you’re looking for an escort, one of the other sites on my list will serve you so much better. This one is spammy, the listings are light and sorted horribly, and you have to register to even look. What the fuck, TNABoard?