Let's get some British escorts at Escort Guide! Not to be rude or anything, but The United Kingdom sure has a lot of hoes...god damn. Look at the front page and look at all these numbers...that's way too many fucking zeros. Especially in London! Five thousand escorts is pretty good. Sure thing, London is pretty big, but you know what I mean, that's still five thousand hot babes in one place, just waiting to entertain you and to let you hit it from the back or even to give you a nice massage. The massage might finish with a handjob or something, maybe even a blowjob if you're a good boy for them and empty out your wallet (I mean, more cash means more sex after all in most cases, doesn't it?

This also applies to some people's marriages) Either way, let's see what you can get from Anglo escorts, and how much will it cost you, and most importantly (actually, it depends on the person whether this next thing I will mention is "the" most important thing when it comes to escort websites since some of you might get off to financial domination and weird shit like that) is whether you will be getting scammed or not! Luckily enough, Escort Guide has plenty of reviews, and the people who review these aren't lying, that's for sure.

Many philosophers over the ages have said that people are innately good, so let's hope that they were right when it comes to that because I sure hope that these people who are innately good are doing these reviews and not some fucked-in-the-head dumbasses who want me to waste my cash.

The wonders of EscortGuide's homepage

Sometimes, when I see a website for the first time, I am impressed since the aesthetics of the page are amazing. I like it when a page looks "luxurious" if you catch my drift. I like to see effort. I like to see tastefulness...you feel me? Now, while I like this, I also like seeing some simple as fuck pages, but here's the thing, I want these simple pages to be very easy to navigate at the same time. If I am able to get lost in there, then it completely kills the charm.

Every true fan of pornographic movies knows that the looks of the page are very important. They add to the experience. Imagine seeing a page that is ugly as shit. Like, imagine that the porno page has pictures of your naked mom glued all over the page or something, that would kill the experience for you completely, would it not? Of course, it would unless you're one of those ancient Greeks who wanted to fuck everything, even their moms. Those people were so fun, though.

The background of the page is white, and on top of it, you get to see a lot of blue letters, which is a nice look. I explained the things I like to see on a page earlier in the text, and I described two typical types of page designs I like to see. A luxurious design and a simpler one, and EscortGuide.co.uk is the second type, obviously, and my oh my, it gets the job done, and it does it with style!

Chopped up like the hand of a dyslexic kid trying to play Stabberscotch

What I meant by "chopped up" was "this page has a fuckton of sections, and by the gods, I love it." There are tons of sections to be found here, which is truly amazing. Sections, header tabs, subsections...you won't get bored, that's for sure. Now, you will notice that the escorts have been divided into a few "categories," and I'm not talking about dividing the escorts by race, none of that apartheid stuff, rather, I'm talking about classifying them according to their "age." By this, I mean that the escorts have been divided into "new escorts" and "the rest." "New escorts" is a section on its own, while "the rest" isn't a section on its own, but you know what I mean. Old bitches and new bitches, and everyone wants new bitches.

So, the tab for the "new bitches" is found in the top left corner, and right next to it a nice tab called "independents" is found. Now, what I find funny about the "categories" of these independent girls is the way you can filter them out. First off, you can tell the website that you only want to see girls with 100% verified photos and nothing else. Then, you can tick yet another box if you want to see nothing but girls with verified contact details. Yet another box exists to this one, and if you tick it you will get nothing but girls who have been used up by other men before you (I mean, if we're honest, none of these gals are virgins and have probably taken kilometers of dick at this point, but do you really care?), and these men will be so kind as to tell you about their experience.

No, no, they won't talk about sex itself as this would be too awkward. They won't talk about stuff like "man I put my finger in her booty hole and then she did the same thing to me and massaged my prostate...this chick had some really fast fingers, I felt like the Flash fingered me", but rather, they will typically tell you whether the girl is legit, does she look the way she looks in pictures in real life and they will make sure to tell you if the girl is a scammer. The website should take these scammers off of EscortGuide.co.uk right away, but it seems that they aren't doing so for some reason, I have no idea why this is.

There are loads of independent escorts on EscortGuide.co.uk. Around five thousand exist in London, 370 in Birmingham at the moment, around a hundred can be found in Manchester, and so on. Heathrow also has some girls. Around 62 or so.

Did I mention that there are also guys and girls in here? There is a section that is entirely dedicated to gay men and nothing else. You can find all sorts of dudes in here, manly bears, cute femboy boy toys and everything in between. The trans section is pretty decent, but it seems that all the cute trannies are too expensive while the cheap ones look like men, so you are better off checking the "men" section instead. The only difference between cheap trannies and the dudes in the "men" section is the fact that trannies actually shave.

There is a section that is called "international," and what you would find in here are girls that are willing to travel. Didn't you know that when you get a London escort that you have to live in London? Something like this should be quite obvious, but hey, some guys just don't get it. Do you think your girl would fly to France only to fuck you? Well...no, sorry to burst your bubble. If you are that stupid, you really don't deserve that money that you were going to pay the escort with. Who the fuck even hands out money to stupid dudes like you?

However, if you want to beat your dick in front of your screen instead, then there is something for you in here as well

The "live cams" section is crowded with the hottest camgirls, so you can also go there time to time if you don't feel like starting your Mercedes up and pulling up to the houses of hot escorts and stuff like that. I get you, it's cold outside, and you don't want to waste petrol and stuff like that. It's fine.

A small conversation about these escorts and a short goodbye

At this point you've read through like 1.3k words and boy oh boy, it sure was worth it since I saved the best for last. I'll tell you about the most important details when it comes to getting one of these girls for you for the night. You get to see a green thumb if the escort you are currently looking at if the escort has all of her details verified, and a green square if the escort has no fake pictures. But that's all the info you get to see if you don't go deeper.

So, click on the picture and see the age, the height, the eyes of the girl, the color of her hair and her cup size. See if she drinks, smokes, speaks English, is she available for incall and outcall, and most importantly, see if the girl fucks men and what kind of sexual stuff she likes. There is a section that is entirely dedicated to rates, which is great.

A great escort will usually cost you like 120GBP for an hour of fun if you decide to hit up their private apartment, but if you decide to take them to your place, then it would cost you a little bit more for an hour of fun.