There’s a negative stereotype of the porn fan as a lonely neckbeard who lives in his mom’s basement and never even talks to women, let alone gets his dick wet. I know that ain’t true just by looking at how many people browse my lists of sex dating and escort sites; a lot of you fuckers out there get laid all the goddamn time! That’s kind of the whole idea behind UKEscorts, a website that aims to help you get some actual poon tonight.

As the name implies, UKEscorts is a UK-based escort site. It’s a fairly new directory on a domain only a few years old, but they’ve been getting a decent amount of traffic lately. With any luck, that means a lot of you are getting laid instead of just fapping to another night of free tubes and premium lesbian sites.

A Picture Menu of Babes to Fuck for Real

The layout is nothing elaborate, but it’s instantly accessible. Beneath a very simple header, a bunch of hot hookers from around the UK smile seductively at you from the front page. Most of the girls show their faces here, unlike some escort sites where everybody is a pretty body with a blur for a face. There are a few chicks with their heads cropped out or facing the other way, but maybe it’s just the uglies.

Scrolling down the page, I see all manner of hot professional sluts. The most recent posting is from a stunning exotic chick in London, posing in a g-string with her lovely ass aimed at the camera. I see blondes in West Yorkshire and brunettes in London. There are MILFs in Glasgow and perfectly ripe young honeys in London. You can get yourself an Ebony BBW in Merseyside or a gorgeous Latina in… London.

UKEscorts is going to be most useful to you Johns in London, as it looks like 4 out of 5 of the listings are from The Big Smoke. The site doesn’t have a clickable map or a breakdown of listings by city, but there’s a search bar at the top to enter your postcode or location and how far you’re willing to travel.

Aside from their locations, the front page thumbs list their age, a couple of sentences about themselves, and usually a price. In the last few minutes, there have been listings from a 23-year-old Asian delight offering an unforgettable time near Manchester (Incall £70), a 44-year-old stunning MILF with a range of special and sexy skills (Incall £50), and a 22-year-old Brazilian with delicious sensational curves (no price listed).

Holy Shit, That’s a Lot of Fresh Sluts

Yeah, you read that right. All those listings I mentioned were posted in the last few minutes. UKEscorts has a near-constant influx of new listings for hot escorts in the UK. Scrolling down the page, you’ll see markers telling you how long ago each was posted. They come so rapidly; it’s broken down into 5-minutes chunks.

The site gives these chicks ample room in the listings for a lot of detail. Most of the girls write a few paragraphs hyping up their services, saying they’ll give you an unforgettable experience, a professional massage and/or a sexy escort service. The blurbs are so consistently well written that it’s almost suspicious; where are all the borderline illiterate hoes you find on most escort sites?

I like that UKEscorts doesn’t seem to ban explicit photos like a lot of these sites. You wouldn’t buy a car without looking under the hood, right? There are plenty of really provocative lingerie shots and a fair amount of nudes in the listings. Most girls have a handful of pictures available, some showing titties or twats. I wish more of the call girls here had videos, but only about half a dozen do right now.

They’ve got the option to list rates, and it seems like most of them do. The better listings even break down their incalls and outcalls by the hour, so you have a good idea of what you’re getting into.

I found the most useful stuff at the bottom of the listings. That’s where you’ll find sections like About Me, My Services, and My Special Services. These fields are keyword-based, the keywords often telling you exactly what these broads are willing to do for some walking around money. Come for the rimming and role-playing, stay for the body ejaculation and PSE.

The favoriting system at UKEscort seems pretty fucking useful. While you’re browsing for tonight’s paid lay, click that heart on the profiles you like. It’ll save them to a list so you can narrow down your options. You don’t even need to sign up for the feature to work, which is perfect for all you perverts sharing an email address with the wifey.

Are All These UK Hoes Legit?

About a dozen whores are posting their listings every 5 minutes, which is absolutely wild. The cynical part of me wants to call bullshit. The best reassurance I can find that these listings are legit is right under the site logo: “Deleted 1,403 false photo ads.”

There are different ways to interpret that high score. Any good escort site is doing something to keep the scammers out, because the oldest business in the world has always been a magnet for shady fuckers. That high number of deleted ads means they’re proactive about the situation.

It could also mean that for whatever reason, this particular site gets more scam attempts than other escort directories. I couldn’t find an explanation for their verification process, which made me wonder if any of the flood of recent postings were scammers bound for the trash pile.

Do you know what else is pretty fucking weird? There are some quick links at the top of the page to the listings with Videos, the Independent listings, the Certified ones, and my own Favourites. Numbers are listed beside each one, and the number of Certified escorts is currently zero. What the fuck am I supposed to make of that?

UKEscorts has the typical legalese section you’ll find on any of these sites. Basically, you’re ultimately on your own when paying some broad to suck your cock, let you butt-fuck her or step on your balls and call you names. The site doesn’t have a section for newbies like some of the others do, so do some homework on the Internet if it’s your first time.

No Sign-up Required to Use

I could go on about what seems like a lack of whore verification, but you seasoned hands already know that ambiguity is just the way of the world when it comes to prostitution on the Internet. It’s a step down from escort sites that have user reviews and elaborate directories, but it’s a few steps up from how older sites like craigslist used to handle it.

The good news is that UKEscorts doesn’t require any kind of signup or verification to views the listings, including location and contact info. Hit a broad up by phone or WhatsApp and work out a safe plan to hook up for money. The site ain’t too different from other escort sites in that respect. Just remember to tell a babe where you found her when you do meet up with her.

UKEscort is not the most full-featured escort site I’ve seen, but they’re new and still have time to grow. The sheer volume of hooker listings pouring into the site is impressive, and you deviates living in London have an especially large pool of women to choose from. It doesn’t cost or require anything on your part just to window shop. So, you may as well take a look around if you’re in the UK and in the market for a lady of the night.