I’ve been a bit under the weather lately. My symptoms include sweaty palms, racing thoughts, and an unrelenting erection. When I explained to my doctor what my racing thoughts all centered around, he gave me his diagnosis: a severe case of yellow fever. He prescribed me a look at Heyzo.

Heyzo.com is a premium porn site full of Japanese sluts doing all kinds of shit that would bring shame to their families. The Land of the Rising Sun is known for having a rich and perverse porn industry, and these guys help send that JAV (Japanese Adult Video) out into the rest of the world. Thanks, guys! After all that hard work on their part, it seems like it would be wrong if I didn’t at least take a look around.

The Clean and The Dirty of Japanese Porn

This site gets a couple of million visits a month, and the reasons why it becomes apparent as soon as you hit the preview page. I see Japanese girls getting their twats stuffed and slurping on hard cock, fooling around with other girls and getting double-fucked by a couple of studs at the same time. There are Asian teens, stone-cold MILFs, and the kind of ageless hotties that make JAV so fucking appealing.

There’s something so goddamn clean about Japanese porn. Maybe it’s the brightly lit sets, or perhaps it’s just that sparse Japanese aesthetic with the paper walls and sex futons. It could have something to do with how flawless and youthful these girls look, from their smooth skin to their ever-ripe bodies to their angelically young faces.

Then again, maybe some of that apparent cleanliness is a result of the goddamn censorship. Like every site selling smut direct from Japan, there’s a ton of blurred-out perversion, pixels where genitals should be. Not everything is censored, but you’d better prepare yourself, or you’re going to be disappointed.

A lot of the thumbnails out front are framed in a way that the naughty bits are somewhat hidden, so the censorship isn’t always apparent. They can’t hide it in the video previews, though.

Near the top of the page, a montage of snippets from various pornos starts playing automatically. It’s got an intergenerational threesome with a MILF and teen teaming up on a dude, a maid cleaning up the joint naked before getting her own pipes washed out, and a really gorgeous chick getting her salad tossed and then sucking on a… flesh-colored lollipop?

I mean, yeah, it’s probably a dick she’s got in her mouth, but I couldn’t tell you for sure because the thing is blurred out. Anybody who watches JAV or hentai knows this bullshit is unfortunately standard. Japan has some vague laws that may or may not ban explicit genitals, and nobody has had the balls to really challenge those vague laws yet.

It’s a goddamn shame, because there’s some really sexy, truly perverted stuff on the preview page alone. Besides the lovely young ladies getting double-penetrated and splooged on, I see some kinky BDSM stuff near the bottom of the page. Have you ever wanted to see an amateur married MILF from Japan get tied up in elaborate restraints before getting a creampie? If yes, Heyzo’s got a treat for you. If no, they’ve still got a ton of shit that will get you hard as a rock.

Save Your Pennies for Premium JAV

Sweet mother of fucking Jesus, this is an expensive paysite! Japanese porn sites typically run a few bucks more than the industry-standard thirty bones a month, so I expected a little bit of a premium. I wasn’t expecting it to cost $48 for the basic monthly membership.

The rates for 3- and 6-month memberships are only slightly lower, with the cheapest option still breaking down to a whopping $41 a month. You do get some other bonuses with the longer memberships. Three-month subscribers get to watch Deluxe movies, and the six-monthers also get access to “all heyzo movies” and “any movies files”.

It’s a little convoluted, and it gets worse. You perverts who like to download your porno for later are going to be absolutely fucking pissed. The basic membership has a download limit of 3 per day, the middle tier lets you save 4, and you can only get unlimited downloading with the most expensive membership. Just kidding; unlimited downloads are not available here at all, for any price.

Price-wise, it’s not much of a deal compared to a paysite based in the US or Europe. Hell, you can get access to entire networks with multiple daily updates for less than that. The thing is, a lot you will pay nearly fifty bucks to sign up for Heyzo.

JAV is just a pricey niche. Japan produces a lot of smut for a small country, but it’s still relatively rare compared to the bulk of White-girl porno out there. You’re not just paying a premium for the Asian hotties, but a premium for native Japanese chicks. They’ve got a submissive demeanor unique to the world of porno, and some of the sexiest sex-squeals ever committed to HD video.

Tons of Fuck Flicks for Your Buck

The price bummed me, but happy to see how much JAV they actually have in their archive. Once I got signed up and logged in, I headed to their full list of movies to see what they’re working with and what I’ll be fapping to. To date, Heyzo has 2116 Asian fuck movies in their library.

They add a new movie to the site almost every single day, which is respectable as hell for a paysite. That’s going to help a lot of you make the decision whether or not to shell out all that cash they’re asking for a membership.

The thumbnails ain’t animated on hover-over, which is kind of lame on a video site in 2020. The thumbs don’t have lists of tags beside them, so I’m left to guess what’s happening largely from the little pics alone. The only info listed is a clip title, an actress name, and whether she’s a Porn Star, MILF, or Amateur.

I checked out one of the MILF movies; first, a little something called Sex with Cosplay MILF til We Drop starring Sumire Egawa. (Side note, I fucking love JAV titles! After this, I think I’ll watch Nympho Girl Really Loves Playing with My Nipples, Amateur Girl in Santa Costume Having Sex to Get Pregnant, or Holiday Ejaculation Into Busty Santa “Girl” Mouth!)

The hour-long scene starts as soon as I hit the Play button, though I have to manually switch it from Low Resolution to High. Sumire is on a bed, talking to the camera as it opens.

I don’t speak Japanese, so I don’t know what she’s saying, but I’m rarely listening anyway. Below the video are tiny screengrabs labeled with sex acts like Vibrator, Fingering, Blowjob and WomanOnTop. Clicking any of these skips to exactly that point of the video.

It’s a great feature, one that most premium sites still don’t have. It will make you feel good about spending that extra money, and help you get off harder.

It’s a nice, long movie, and they manage to fit a lot of perversion into it. I skipped ahead to the fingering scene and was thrilled to see the girl’s uncensored cunt. The dude gets her pretty wet and drippy, which helps lube up the operation during the cowgirl sequence a few minutes later.

I think Heyzo should be a little louder about the uncensored JAV in their collection. Even though they’ve got censored stuff, they’d probably sell more memberships if people know that not all the cooters, wee-wees and poopers in the flicks were blurred out. They really should spell it out on the landing page in bright, bold, capital letters.

Like most Japanese porn sites, Heyzo costs a bit more than its Western counterparts. That premium earns you access to exclusive smut that until recently couldn’t be seen outside the Land of the Rising Sun. They have thousands of movies in their collection and update nearly every day, making it one of the better values in the world of pricey Asian smut.